My bro has 2 wedding banquets coming up. I’m not even really, really doing anything and it’s stressing the hell out of me.

I never grew up imagining a dream weddings. Still don’t. I think wedding are the biggest waste of money ever in a person’s lifetime. Even as I have enjoyed attending weddings in the last few years, that conviction still holds.

If you asked me now what my dream wedding would be, I’d probably just say a small ceremony at church with family and close friends. We’d be in cheap, comfortable, casual clothes and we’d be married by a pastor we both respect and admire. It’d be short and quick but not in the sense of “just get it over because this is a waste of time” but “hurry because I want to be his wife already!” A simple reception would follow - imagine just catered lunch, a BBQ, or even hot pot! Because seriously, I still haven’t had a really deliciously enjoyable meal at the many banquets I’ve attended and they’ve been pricey. If its then late enough, then definitely some KTV because I have more fun making a fool of myself vocally than on a dance floor.

And no way do I want a >$10k engagement ring. I don’t even like jewelry to begin with. And seriously that is a lot of money that can be better invested in a car or house. Or even just to keep for a rainy day or even better - to be used to help people in need!

All in all, I think we’ve just added so many price tags on marriage - none of which are essential to nor do they contribute to the value or strength of a true, lasting marriage. Who actually says “oh yea, I stayed in love with my spouse because our wedding was super posh and my ring is more expensive than that new, used car”? Nobody respectable.

I think the popular/traditional way is beautiful and there really is much love and joy there. I also know people have actually grown up dreaming of that and I think it’s great that they get to realize their dreams. But it’s not my dream.

- Confessions of a weirdo who will probably be single for a very long time because people aren’t attracted to weird

I’m not one to remember events and performances. When I think of the past, I think of people and relational impacts. Timelines blur. I remember process and progress.

No one wants to help you when you are angry and miserable.

Sometimes the lack of an adequate response is merely an inability to fully solve a problem or answer a question rather than indifference or insensitivity. It just means we’re on the same boat looking for answers and the journey need not be lonely if you choose it.

原来＂谦虚＂和＂自卑＂的距离很这么近但意思那么遥远

Last year, someone described me as self-deprecating. I was absolutely offended and didn’t accept it. But today, I think I see it more and more.

I don’t love myself. I don’t know how to love.

Discipleship

“Love does not reach from afar. It demands incarnation.” - Ruth Padilla.

These words have stayed with me this whole month and even more so this week.

In light of Hurricane Sandy’s utter destruction on NY and NJ, DO SOMETHING, Michelle. Don’t just sit there and read the news and feel bad for one second. DO SOMETHING.

“Love does not reach from afar. It demands incarnation.”

If Your Church Is Not All You Want It to Be - Jonathan Parnell (Desiring God)

Chances are your church gathering isn’t all you want it to be… This or that should be different, so and so should talk less, he and she should be on time — and why can’t we just get some better aesthetics in here?

Actually, though, this mode of critcism says more about our hearts than it does our local church. Perhaps we’ve forgotten what the church is. Perhaps we’ve mistaken it to be just another social club. Or maybe we’ve confused this gathering to be just another event on the calendar. Or, quite possibly, we’ve assumed the worship of the Triune God is supposed to meet our consumer wants rather than our greatest needs.

Let Dietrich Bonhoeffer have a word:

If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we only keep complaining to God that everything is so paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ.

This applies in a special way to the complaints often heard from pastors and zealous members about their congregations. A pastor should never complain about his congregation, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to him in order that he should become its accuser before God and men.

… let [the pastor or zealous member] nevertheless guard against ever becoming an accuser of the congregation before God. Let him rather accuse himself for his unbelief. Let him pray God for an understanding of his own failure and his particular sin, and pray that he may not wrong his brethren. Let him, in the consciousness of his own guilt, make intercession for his brethren. Let him do what he is committed to do, and thank God.

But because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

Serving Christ and His kingdom requires more than sacrifice of time or resources. It requires a sacrifice of your heart.

Serving Christ and His kingdom requires more than investment of time or resources. It requires an investment of your heart.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I have for Your kingdom’s cause
As I walk from earth into eternity. 

It’s hard to have heart but not know how to express love.

I had thought yesterday’s conversation was reason enough to praise God all in its own right. But seeing now that yesterday’s conversation was also preparation for a conversation today, I am just astounded by the Lord.

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindess. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self control.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!
Wait for the Lord; be strong, let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! - Ps.27:13-14 

Compartmentalization is an unconscious psychological defense mechanism used to avoid cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort and anxiety caused by a person’s having conflicting values, cognitions, emotions, beliefs, etc. within themselves.

Compartmentalization allows these conflicting ideas to co-exist by inhibiting direct or explicit acknowledgement and interaction between separate compartmentalized self states.

- From wiki

I am sad/upset when the people I care about are hurting.

I’m still absolutely unconvinced that I am a visionary. I’m a conservative traditionalist who takes comfort in established rules and procedures unless they go against my values (aside: is this sentence too redundant?). I think I’m merely dissatisfied with status quo. And that’s but only a small prerequisite for a visionary.

So if I don’t think I’m a visionary and people tell me I’m not an executor, then what am I? A lemming?

I don’t know much. I just know there must be more than this.

“Sin can’t enslave a person who is utterly confident and sure and hope-filled in the infinite happiness of life with Christ in the future.”

“Here’s a quick list of 10 events I’d rather watch than weightlifting: cup stacking, tree chopping, pig chasing, plate spinning, wood eating, beach lying, moon howling, donkey teasing, color identifying, and advertising.”

-Grantland’s Shane Ryan’s Olympic Viewing Guide